God, Are you Still There?

Have you ever been at a place in your life and you simply wondered what God was doing.  You knew in his word he said he’ll never leave you or forsake you, but you didn’t feel like your prayers were being answered because you did not see anything happening to change your situation?  

Well my friend, I am at that place.  I know God is good. I truly believe He is good from the bottom of my heart, but I’ve come to him with some real challenges in prayer the last few months and I’ve seen doors shut as soon as they appeared to open or doors simply have not opened at all.

Let me back up a bit, in September of 2019, I took a new management position at a new company.  I was so excited as I had been praying for a management role for quite some time. I made it! I achieved my goal. I was being paid well and living in a home that I bought in 2018.  My child was doing well in private school and I was in a promising relationship! Things were going great!! That excitement was short lived. The dream job was not a dream at all. I was required to work almost 70 hours a week, including weekends and travel.  It was horrible and I was miserable. I was stressed out and could no longer keep that job or I was going to have a nervous breakdown! I resigned in November. My relationship also came to an end. What in the world happened?

I had some money in my 401k to pull from that would last a few months, so I thought for sure, God will provide me with a new role in no time.  I had plenty of doors open before so why would this time be any different? However, it has been. Thanksgiving passed, Christms passed, New Year’ passed, January is almost over and still none of the opportunities I applied for have opened.  Networking has been slow. Even temporary employment has been a challenge.

Now, I sit here and think, “Lord what is going on?”  I’ve evaluated my walk with you, I’ve prayed, fasted, I serve you, I tithe, but I’m not seeing a breakthrough.  I’m faced with many questions and decisions. How do bills get paid, how do I cover tuition. What do I do Lord, where are you?

Here and now is where my true faith is tested.  Do I trust God when he says in Deuteronomy 31:6, “I’ll never leave you or forsake you”? Do I trust in Philippians 4:19 where it says, “My God will supply all my needs according to his riches and glory” or Psalm 100:5 that says “The Lord is good and his mercy endures forever, his faithfulness continues”.  Do I really believe this?

To be honest, I’ve been wrestling.  My faith has been tested. I’ve gone through days of great sorrow and loneliness, wondering why I’m not employed.  Wondering why God hadn’t rescued me. The truth is He hasn’t rescued me…..yet. Regardless of what I see right now His word is still true.  God is good and I still have a lot of things to be thankful for. It’s at these times, I must focus on all God has done and not look at what he hasn’t done …yet.  I am healthy and so is my son. Currently, all of my bills are paid. I have food to eat. I have a car to drive. My house still belongs to me and I have a loving family who has been so very supportive of me during this time.  There are so many people in this world who don’t have that to be thankful for. They’re wondering where their next meal is coming from or where they’re going to sleep.

In all honesty, I am facing the most difficult time I’ve ever faced in my 40 years on this earth, but God is still good.  This is only a season in my life that will soon pass. The word says in James 1:2-3, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”  I am determined to remain strong and courageous just as the Lord instructed Joshua repeatedly in Joshua 1.

I’m not sure what season of life you are in or if you’re in a position where God has a prayer he hasn’t answered for you…yet.  Please remember to Trust in the Lord with all your heart as the writer in Proverbs 5 advises us to. Think on the things God has done for you and what you can be thankful for opposed to focusing on the things you do not have.  In due time, He will come through for you if you stand by his word and believe. That is what I’m determined to do at this time, keep the faith and trust God to come through. I look forward to giving you a testimony of a new season in God’s time.  God is good.

Be Blessed

~Felicia