Hey All,

This past week, I’ve been reflecting on the work God has done inside of me. As you know I began Life Coaching school in July of this year. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my experience thus far, but it has come with obstacles and challenges.  Before I’m able to coach others, I must go through the exact same internal work.  I thought I had already completed much of this work, but as I learned there was much more work to do.  I honestly don’t know if the work ever truly ends.  What I do know is this week I realized through the work, I’ve been able to release nearly everything that was holding me back from accomplishing all that God has for me.  

I’ve chosen to attach my kindergarten picture to this post for a reason.  The spirit of that little girl is back!  That 5 year old came into the world ready to chase her dreams!  She had not yet known fear, shame, disappointment, worry or any other voice that said she was not or could not.  I am pleased to report that spirit is back within me and I have promised myself to never lose her again.  I’m sure we all can think back to a time in our lives when we were young and naive.  Nothing held us back, but then life happened and little pieces of us began to chip away until we no longer recognized who we once were and the dreams we once held close to our hearts we may no longer be able to see.

I have good news.  There is a God!  He is willing and able to restore all that you have lost and make you into a brand new person inside.  The bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “ If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old things have passed away, behold the new things have come”!  I can testify to this as I’m experiencing this in my life today.  I feel so alive, so free, so new!  God saw fit to help me when I cried out to him from the very spot that I was at. I’ve had to learn some hard lessons, but it’s been worth it.  My prayer for anyone reading this, is to know, no matter where you’re at, know that God has the ability to help you and heal you from whatever state you’re in.  Even if you’re currently walking alongside him, you can still go deeper in Christ as there is always room to grow. Time to catch some dreams!

“For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord, Jesus Christ”. 2 Corinthians 5:9

Have a great week,

~Felicia 

It has been a little over three weeks since I dropped my son off to college and boy is life different without him!  However, I had been praying and preparing myself for this change for a while now, so the transition has been going well.  The second weekend after he was gone it was challenging, but I find the more I pour myself into my purpose and focus on all the good things I have, I see life as amazing!  I’ve resolved to enjoy this single season in life for all the joy and peace it brings!

One of the things I had to do recently was make a decision on my son’s car.  I had to decide if I should sell it or keep it until next summer when he returns.  After prayer, I knew it was time to sell it as it’s a little over 20 years old.  There would be too much work involved on my part to keep it going over the long Minnesota winters, so I put the car on Craigslist a week ago today.

I had never sold a car before, but I knew I needed to prepare some things beforehand. Before my son left, I asked him to clean out the car.  I also had to locate the title and do some research to price its value. I took multiple pictures.  I asked someone who had sold a car before some things I needed to include in the ad and finally I was able to post the ad.  I had some training on negotiation, so I priced the car a little higher than I wanted as I know most people offer you less than your asking price.  I posted it for $1000, but I actually wanted $800.

The emails came flooding in!  I didn’t post my phone number as I knew that would open a flood of unwanted texts and phone calls.  Whoever wanted this car, would have to communicate by email to begin anyway.  I almost sold it on day 1, but the person ended up going with the car they looked at prior to mine.  Then, it seemed like people were contacting me for other reasons.  One guy was trying to get me to buy a product similar to Carfax report to bring in more potential buyers.  Another advised that I made a mistake in the ad and needed to fix it.  I actually appreciated that person!  Others would set up times to come see the car and never show, while others were strongly  interested and then all of a sudden, they went ghost!  Needless to say, I got discouraged.  I hated this process.  Then on Wednesday evening, I received an email from a man, let’s call him John.  John asked me if the car was still available and if I’d accept $900.  I told him that it is available and I will accept $900 (remember, my goal was to sell it for $800).  I also told him the amount of miles on the car as that seemed to turn off some other buyers.  I figured let’s get this out of the way now.  His response was a pleasant surprise.  He said, “I’m not worried about the miles, my daughter has the same make and model car that has about 100,000 miles more than this one”.  He said he was off on Friday and would like to pick up the car then.  I told him that would be fine.  I listed my phone number at the end of my email response.

I didn’t take the ad down because I needed to ensure John came through on Friday!  Therefore on Thursday, I was contacted by other buyers asking if I’d take $800 and some $600.  I told them I had a buyer, but if something fell through, I’d follow up.  At 8pm Thursday night, John sent me a text and wanted to set up a time to pick up the car on Friday.  We settled for 1pm.  At 12:48pm on Friday, John sent a text and advised he was at the local convenience store I advised I’d meet him at.  He described the vehicle he was in so I’d know how to identify him.  When I arrived, he was indeed there and proceeded to hand me the envelope of cash.  He hadn’t even test drove the car!  He said, “I know it will be fine, my daughter has one”.  He got into the car and started it up to ensure it ran well.  That had been his only concern the entire time. He just wanted to ensure it ran well. I told him a couple nuances about the car and handed him the title. The transaction was completed.  Car sold in 6 days!

The Lord used this experience to parallel how he sees the process of courting before marriage. I was in awe!  If you recall, before I was ready to post the ad, I had to prepare the car.  SImilarly, we must prepare ourselves as sons and daughters of God to be in a relationship with the person God has called us to.  This involves developing our relationship with Christ, letting go of our carnal nature, following God in all our ways, being disciplined in all we do and truly knowing the word so that we’re not deceived. 

Next, the ad was posted.  This is similar to Christ lifting your viel so others can see you and know you’re available for a mate.  Seeing you’ve gone through the preparation, you know how to screen potential candidates.  You know your worth.  You know that the person coming to you will need to recognize and appreciate your value.  You’re not willing to accept less than your worth.  You also aren’t giving your contact information to everyone!  You’ve learned to guard your heart and set boundaries.  Not close your heart, but guard it so you can screen people and examine their motives.  When you feel like you see Christ like characteristics in a person, you may decide to take another step and examine further.

Finally, you know you’ve found the right person.  This person has been examined.  They’ve been consistent to their word and have proven themselves through action.  They respect your boundaries and the value you’ve placed on yourself in Christ.  THEY WILL NOT REQUIRE A TEST DRIVE!  You will not have to go outside of the will of God to keep them or do anything that does not align to your values!  They know your value and meet or exceed you where you’re at.  To be clear, the one we’re truly all looking for and need is Christ.  He’s the only “One” that can fill our deep voids.  However, the person Christ has for us will look similar to Christ as we’re all called to be like him in all we do.  No one can ever be perfect like Christ, but they should be striving to walk in all the ways of Christ.

To all of my brothers and sisters in Christ, I would plead with you to wait on the Lord.  In due time, you will receive what you’re asking for if it’s in accordance with God’s will.  He is faithful, if we do our part and patiently wait for him.

Be blessed ~ Felicia

“Wait on the Lord and keep his way.  And he shall exalt you to inherit the land.  When the wicked are cut off, you shall see it.” Psalm 37:34

We’ve all been there, driving down the road with our Google map navigation system on to take us to our destination.  We punch in the address and carefully follow the directions of the voice speaking to us telling us turn left, go straight or turn right. But what happens when you miss one of those directions because you’re not listening or get distracted?  The map normally begins spinning because you’re no longer heading the right direction.  In the process, the voice informs you that it is in the process rerouting. 

During the rerouting process the navigation system is looking for a new route to bring you to the exact same destination because you missed a step along the way.  Seeing that most of us know where the final address is, we normally take heed to the voice of the navigator and make the U-turn or turn at the next chance we get in order to get to the right place.

God is the ultimate voice navigation system, but only if we listen to His voice.  When it comes to our lives, God knows where we should be going.  He knows the direction He wants us to go.  He has a very specific plan for our lives.  However, many of us trust a computerized navigation system more than the voice of God, but why is this?  Could it be because we know the physical location of where we need to end up.  We’ve punched the address in Google maps  in the past and this computerized device has led us to the exact location.  Therefore, since we’ve seen the computerized navigation system work for us in the past, we trust it in the future.  We’ve had multiple encounters, experiences with it and we always end up at the right place.  If I’m honest, sometimes I’ve followed the directions wondering if it possibly was wrong or I punched in the wrong address.  99% of the time, I’m pleasantly surprised to be wrong in my assumption, though there is the occasional 1% I’m not at the correct destination.

Aren’t you glad God is never wrong when he leads?  We never have to experience mistakes with God.  He is always 100% aware of where you’re supposed to be, but sadly, many times we don’t trust God’s instructions.  Why?  It’s because following God requires faith.  Faith is a challenge for many of us because we cannot see.  Some of us may not have had the opportunity and experiences needed to build our faith in Him.  Maybe God didn’t answer your prayer quickly in the past or give you the answer you wanted so you stopped trusting. In faith, we have the bible to guide us with biblical principles.  We also have the Holy Spirit guiding us down the right road or tugging on our hearts, sending us warning signals when we’re headed down the wrong one. 

God has been trying to reroute the direction of someone reading this blog.  He’s been trying to get your attention.  You’ve felt the tug on your heart, you see the red flags of your current route, but you haven’t rerouted yet. If this is you, I’d ask you to stop what you’re doing, open your heart to God and listen to his voice.  My prayer is you would not only listen, but take action and reroute.  You may have heard the call of God and simply not been able to trust, but the Word of God tells us to in Proverbs 3:5-6, “ Trust God with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.”   As humans we cannot connect the dots or determine how God’s plan is going to work out.  That’s not for you or I to determine.  God will provide and show you the way.  He says, “ My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” (Isaiah 55:8)  We’re not able to think and problem solve on God’s level, so release control and allow God to direct your path.  For “He is the way, the truth and the life.” (John 14:6)

~Felicia

Hey All! 

I cannot believe we’re already at the end of August, which for us in Minnesota signals the end of summer.  The time flew by!  Though there is A LOT going on in our world, I sincerely tried to do my best to be productive and spend quality time with others.

Speaking of the end of the summer, I also feel as if I have additional clarity on this season of my life and the direction God is taking me at this time.  I feel as if the storm has finally ended! We’ve all heard the lyrics of the song “I Can See Clearly Now” haven’t we?  It talks about seeing clearly as the rain is gone, the dark clouds are gone, the pain is gone, and bad feelings have disappeared. It’s describing the clarity of the bright sunshiny day!  This is me right now. I’ve been on a journey the last 40 weeks, but I have gained so much wisdom that will help me going forward.  Wisdom I may not have gotten if I had not gone through the storm.  I am thankful for it.  This week, I simply want to share some of the wisdom points with you.  Some of these truths are known or in the word, but I’ve learned them to be true in my life through experience!

1. Trust God. Period.  Saying the words vs Taking the action of trust are two different things.
2. In regards to career, focus on doing what you have a passion for vs making a lot of money.
3. Stay humble, so God doesn’t have to humble you.
4. God does not owe us anything.  What he’s already done is enough.
5. Spend quality time with your loved ones, your job will always be there.
6. Have faith to go after your purpose.
7. If a door is closing, let it close. Focus on the open door.
8. Cancel out the noise of your inner critic.  Turn up the volume of your Inner Champion.
9. Go with the flow.
10. Be present in the moment.
11. Don’t be in a rush for anything.  Take the journey.  Everything will unfold in due time.
12. When you walk with God, He truly provides all your needs.
13. A person is not the cure for loneliness.  Finding your purpose is. 
14. God will allow you to repeat the test, until you learn the lesson.
15. Worry is a choice.  Choose to trust.
16. Pay attention to the red flags up front, in order to avoid disaster later.
17. If anything must come to an end, close the door properly. Don’t be messy.
18. You cannot rush out of a storm, no matter how bad you want it to end.
19. You cannot be unequally yoked. Two cannot walk together when they’re not aligned.
20. Always be true to yourself.
21. God knows best. Relinquish control.

I pray you all have a great week!

~Felicia

“Behold I do a new thing.  Now it springs up.  Do you not perceive it? I will make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” (Isaiah 43:19)

Hey all!

I normally try to post every other week, but last weekend was my son’s graduation celebration!  His college send-off gathering was on Saturday and his high school graduation ceremony was on Sunday.  It was a fabulous weekend!  God blessed us with good weather, plenty of food, friends, family and fun!  I still can hardly believe he’ll be heading off to college in a couple of weeks, but as we all know seasons change.

The changing of seasons can be challenging for many of us.  I know the changing of fall to winter is an especially difficult season for me in terms of a weather season, but what about a life seasonal change?  These are often the most difficult as many times these may catch us by surprise or we know something is coming, but we’re not sure if we’re quite ready for it.  I have known for the past eighteen plus years that this day would come, the day I’d be sending my son out to “The real world”.  There were times when I’d say, “Well I only have X amount of years to go now”.  There always seemed to be more time, but not anymore.  The time has come! I’ve asked God to reveal what is next for me and to prepare me to move on to the next phase.  I’m happy to report I’m doing a lot better than I was a month ago from a mental standpoint, but it will definitely be a big change.  I always thought when I got to this moment, I would have “Arrived”.  However, I am finding out, you never actually arrive to your destination, rather you simply appreciate the accomplishment and keep moving. Hopefully moving into a greater version of ourselves with more wisdom under our belts.  I spoke about this in a previous blog.  I stated that oftentimes we’re very focused on achieving the goal, but are we truly enjoying the journey along the way?  Are we gaining knowledge, developing relationships, getting closer to God, having fun, living in the moment and simply enjoying the day?  I am very pleased that God gave me the ability to enjoy the time I had with my son and bless him as he goes onto the next part of his journey.

While my son goes onto the next phase of life, my season will change as well. I’ve been wondering where I’m going, who am I going to meet along the way and what exactly I’ll be doing.  If you don’t know me, I am the question queen! Lol.  I’m always asking God about everything.  It is a great gift to exercise when I’m conducting a life coaching session, but not so much when I’m asking God questions about everything under the sun.  This past week, I’ve been hearing a consistent message, which is to simply go with the flow of life.  To follow the current God is leading me to.  By following the Word and listening to the Holy Spirit, I’ll get to where I’m supposed to go.  Therefore,  I don’t have to worry about all the details.  I’ll know what I need to know when I need to know it.  Many times in scripture, the Lord simply told someone to “Go”.  As they went, the details were revealed along the way, but their job was to be obedient to what God said, trusting the purpose would reveal itself in due time.  One of the most memorable passages in the bible is in Genesis 12:1 which says, “ The Lord said to Abram, go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you”.  Talk about vague!  However, God proved himself faithful to His word. He not only established Abram, later Abraham, into a new land, but God also made him the father of nations.  The blessings Abraham received were truly abundant, but none of that happens without Abram being obedient to simply “go” when he was initially called.

I’m not sure where you are in your life at the moment, but I’d encourage you to trust God and enjoy the journey set before you.  I pray you’re going in the direction God’s leading you to, no matter how uncomfortable, scary or unsure you are about it.  God is faithful.  If He’s leading you , you can trust you’re heading in the right direction.

~Felicia

This past week I began my life coaching class.  While the classes were great, the life coaching style is a little different than I expected it to be.  The purpose of a life coach is to help someone do the hard work for themselves opposed to giving them guidance, offering your opinion and sharing past experiences.  You as a coach are tasked to ask the client questions in order for them to see for themselves the answers lie within them. This task is quite challenging as we’re encouraged not to “lead the witness”. We Are also encouraged to listen to understand opposed to listen to help, provide a solution or judge.  It’s been quite a bit of learning already, but I’m embracing the experience.

The amazing part of the class is going through the work and answering many questions about your own life.  By learning the material, I was able to clearly identify my strengths and opportunity areas.  The two opportunity areas I identified for myself were perfectionism and fun/play.  I’ll start with perfectionism.  I never thought of myself as a perfectionist, but after the third day of class I couldn’t deny it.  I was bothered I hadn’t picked up on the concepts right away.  Not being able to learn the skills to coaching very quickly, caused some anxiety and frustration.  Once I moved into that space, I began to wonder “Is this really for me?  Is it ever going to click?” I was simply putting myself into a negative mindset.  The instructors told us on the first day, to give ourselves the permission to be messy, make mistakes, etc.  And here I was doing the exact opposite.  That’s when I noticed a clear pattern in my life that had been there for a while.  I can remember being 15 years old, taking Driver’s Ed class.  It took me some time to pick up on the skill of driving.  I can remember worrying and asking myself how I was going to drive my kids to their basketball games.  I was only 15!  I didn’t even have any kids! How did I even know they would play basketball?  Sigh…Lord help me:)

During these moments, I proceed to have a pity party for myself.  Thankfully, it normally doesn’t last more than 24 hours, but still.  I’m 40, I’ve got to learn this about myself and try to make some corrections.  I’ve told myself, “Now that I’ve moved to the stage of life where my child out of the home, I’m going to try new things”! Guess what ? I won’t be able to pick up on everything quickly or accomplish goals in a day, so I need to learn to be at peace with not knowing and embrace the process.

The second thing I need to work on is incorporating more time for fun and play.  During the quarantine, I made a vision board of the goals I’d like to accomplish within the next 3-5 years.  I’m very dedicated to making these visions a reality, however, I’ve been so focused on completing the goals, that I often am missing out on the fun things of life.  Setting a deadline to reach my goals is great, but there’s more to life than my to-do list.  I truly believe God wants all of us to enjoy the life he gave us, not just work, work, work!  Work is good, but it’s all about balance.  There’s a time for everything.  Ecclesiastes 3 talks about this.  Verse one of the chapter 3 says, “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven”.  Therefore, I am making it a point to make time for the fun things of life along with spending more time with others in developing deeper relationships.  Life is too short to simply be focusing solely on completing goals.  I’m now excited about all the other things I thought of doing that I consider to be fun!

Taking this life coaching class has really been phenomenal for me.  I’m stretching myself and continually becoming the person I was designed to be, which brings me to my last point and the key to the life coaching core questions which are: 

1. Who I was in the past?
2. Who am I today?
3. Who am I becoming?

These are powerful questions we should be asking ourselves at least a couple of times a year.  My challenge for you today is to answer these questions for yourself.  I’d ask you to be honest and answer truthfully.  My hope is for you all to continue to grow, enjoy life and live out your purpose in Christ.

Have a great week everyone!

~Felicia

Hey there!  I pray you all had a great holiday weekend and had the opportunity to spend time with those you love.  Personally, I reflected on the freedom I have in the USA, those who died and fought for my civil rights so that I can have a better life as a black woman in the country.  Above that, I reflected on the freedom I have in Christ.

As I’ve shared throughout the last 8 months, I’ve truly been on a rollercoaster ride! I thought my life was heading in one direction and I was moving on a certain path and quickly found out I was heading in the wrong direction. At the time it felt like an injection of pain being shot into my heart.  Relationship – Gone.  Six figure job – Gone.  House – Gone.  Then let’s throw in the pandemic, racial tension and my son heading to college in August.  So much change within such a small time period.  However, I heard a saying once that says, “If you have to get your finger amputated, would you rather it be cut one inch at a time or all at once?”  When you put it that way, please take the full finger now so I can get on with my life!

Now, on July 5, 2020, I very much appreciate that it happened just the way it did.  God has healed me from the pain of all those losses.  He showed me some mistakes I made along the way. I’ve repented to the Lord, I’ve forgiven myself, apologized where needed and I have now been able to forgive those who may have hurt me during that time.

I am ready for my new chapter in life!  In a couple of weeks, I will be going to school to obtain my Life Coaching certification! I’m so excited for this new learning journey!  I hope to start my own business helping others become their best selves following the completion of my schooling.  I also will be working full time again, at the company I’ve been at for the last 5 months (though it’s still in a temporary capacity).  The contributions I’ve made with the company and the work I’m doing is very rewarding for me.  I also really like the management team I work with.  While they’re on a hiring freeze at the moment, I truly feel this is the place I’m supposed to be. Lastly, I’m now exercising on a daily basis in addition to setting aside time devoted to God to read the word and pray everyday. This keeps me both physically and spiritually fit!

For the first time that I can remember, I feel like I am following my purpose in life.  The contentment I feel in my singleness at this moment I have never felt before.  God healed me, removed all the voids and I can feel his presence with me.  I don’t feel lonely anymore.  Sure I am alone, but I am not  lonely. Believe me there is a difference!  I am very complete and headed in the right direction with peace and joy in my heart.  Maybe I thought at one point the six figure job would be what I  needed to complete me, or the big house would make me happy or the man would do it.  While those things are nice to have, I still had a void in my heart because my purpose wasn’t being fulfilled on this earth and only God truly knows what that is and how to get me there.

Now I ask you, are you content and at peace today?  Are you fulfilling your God given purpose on this earth?  I hope you are.  If you’re not, remember it is never to late!  God is well able to steer you in the right direction if you took a wrong turn on the road of life no matter how far off the path you may have wandered.  The Lord says in Revelation 3:20, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me.”  

Will you answer the door?

This week I battled with myself.  A battle, I thought I overcame a few years ago.  A battle that snuck up on me quite frankly.  I’m speaking of the battle of self love from an outer appearance standpoint.  This battle many of us brown-skinned girls face or have faced in our lives.  I was looking at myself in the mirror and not feeling very good about the image I was seeing looking back at me.  

As I looked at myself in the mirror I wanted so desperately to like the image looking back at me.  I wanted to believe the words I was telling myself, “You are beautiful.  You are most beautiful because of who you are inside,”  While I do believe I am a beautiful person, this week I was struggling.  Negative self talk began, comparisons to others started and finally I was asking myself what I could do to enhance my outer appearance.  All of this I know comes from the enemy but never the less that is where I was this week.  I was mad at myself for being back in this mindset and desperately wanted to get out of it!  I started thinking about the time someone in high school told me I had a great personality , but followed up with “if I could only put your personality into Donna’s body”.  I also remember a time expressing disappointment in someone for the images they’d shared of themselves and being told by someone else that I had never experienced that level of beauty so I couldn’t possibly know what this very beautiful person was going through.  Then there were the times in my formative years of being flat out told, I was too skinny, I was too dark, I was ugly and being laughed at by my own aunt for not having a rear end in a family of  voluptuous women.  

I was dealing with some very deeply rooted, painful experiences that wanted me to reinforce these negative images of myself.  I had to fight.  I couldn’t stay here or go any further down this rabbit hole.  I prayed a simple prayer many times throughout the day, “Lord please help me.”  God reminded me of who he made me to be.  He reminded me that he loves me.  He reminded me of all the times I’ve gotten great joy in giving to others, the beauty in that.  He reminded me that my heart loves and truly cares for people.  He reminded me of my kindness and when I express this kindness to others, how others see beauty from within. He reminded me of all the times people have told me  I’m beautiful. He lastly reminded me that everyday, I have the ability to show others his beauty by being the very reflection of Him.

Once he dealt with my inner battle the outer work was easy.  I generally am not one who wants to wear a lot of makeup and falsies, but I do think I’d like to spend a little more time everyday on my outer appearance.  I decided it’s ok for me to spend a little more money on myself too.  These are things I’d like to do for myself.  I’ve spent so much time and energy giving to others over the years that it’s time I give myself a little more love too.  

I want to be very clear, I’m not doing this because I need to prove to others I’m beautiful or make them like my outer appearance.  The opinion of others does not matter.  What does matter is I stand tall, all 5’9 inches of me and love myself everyday.  Love every inch of my inner being and ensure I am the best person I can be, giving my best self to the world.  I have a gift to share with others and God placed me on this earth at this time to give it.  Excuse me while I talk in the third person, but I love Felicia!  I love who she is, I love her heart and her mind! I’m so thankful that God reminded me of who I was through my battle this week. A person can always change their outer appearance, but still be messed up on the inside.  I don’t want that. Ever!  

I know I’m not the only one who has battled within themselves over their outer appearance.  If anyone reading this has had or is having some of these same battles, I’d encourage you to get into your word and remember it says that “You are fearfully and wonderfully made”, Proverbs 139:13.  “You formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother’s womb”, Psalm 139:13. “We are God’s masterpiece”, Ephesians 2:10.  That verse in Ephesians brings me great joy! God made all of his people uniquely beautiful!  God is good.  He’s a God of love and he very much loves the beauty of all his creation. Speak kindly and positive to yourself and trust God to help you overcome the fight for the truth.  The truth is you are beautiful just the way you are!  Now it’s up to you to believe it.

~Felicia

It seems as if I haven’t blogged in a while.  I suppose that’s due to the unrest that’s been occuring in my own backyard of Minneapolis and in the nation following the brutal death of George Floyd.  My heart has been very heavy as I’m sure yours have been too.  First with his death, then watching community establishments burn down, and then most recently watching the protests that have spread throughout the nation.  I said to myself, “Can this be the time for true change to systematic racism in America?” 

Why the topic of George Floyd is of high importance to me, I want to shift just for a little bit.  As I’ve shared on my previous blog, God has really been working on me in the area of being disciplined in various areas of my life, one of those being exercise.  For the past 2-3 weeks, I’ve been on my elliptical machine daily or taking brisk walks around the lake.  However, after doing this for a while, I found I wasn’t getting as good of a workout as I did the first week, so I challenged myself to do something different.

Yesterday, I went to the lake and decided to jog around the lake.  A tall task, but I really wanted to do it.  When I started out, it felt great!  I was enjoying the breeze and atmosphere.  By the time I made it ¼ around the lake, I began thinking differently.  I was tired and thought “there is no way I can do this.  Maybe I’ll just go halfway.”  I quickly changed the goal because it was hard to see the light at that point.  That’s when a revelation came to me to just set small milestone goals for myself.  I would set goals for the landmarks I could see in plain sight – a tree, a stop sign, a person, etc.  When I reached that goal, I set my sight on the next landmark in the near distance I felt I could achieve.  I had to talk to myself and tell myself I could do it and I would do this opposed to my normal language of “I can’t do this.  I can’t do this.”  It was never easy, but once I got closer to the goal, my spirits began to rise.  “I can’t stop now.  I’m getting closer”.  Before you know it I rounded the corner to the finish line.  I’d like to tell you I sped up like they do in the movies for a dramatic finish, but I honestly kept the same steady pace as the journey to that point had been challenging.

I’m proud to tell you I finished!  I achieved my goal of jogging around the lake!  More than finishing I learned some important lessons.  The first being changing my self talk from I can’t to I can.  We’ve all heard the saying, “ The man that says he can’t and the man who says he can are both right”.  So much of our failures or achievements are based on the conversations we have with ourselves.  Secondly, I remembered Rome wasn’t built in a day.  Setting the long term goal was important, but all of the short term goals I set allowed me to accomplish the long term goal.  Many times I find, we don’t celebrate our accomplishments unless Rome is completely finished!  This is not how we should be measuring progress, it’s just as important to celebrate each short term achievement, celebrating that task completion alone.  It all comes down to us being a little kinder to ourselves and taking one step, one day at a time.  

Now I go back to the initial question I posed, “Can we use this moment in time to help change systematic racism?”  I believe we can.  However, we have to remember we cannot do it all in one day, month, summer or a year.  These systems were built over a long period of time and therefore it will take a time to change them.  It may take even more time for us to see true change in the hearts of people who learned these implicit biases at a young age.  The important thing is that we persevere.  We do what we can, we celebrate the small milestone accomplishments along the way and never give up because it’s too hard, too frustrating or taking too long.  I can remember this week, strongly disagreeing with someone’s opinion and desiring to cut them off completely, but what good does that do?  It’s time to have difficult, uncomfortable conversations – listen, talk and listen some more.  This will take time, but it is very important we all stick in this race and cross the finish line.

~Felicia

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

~ Hebrews 12:1-3

Hello Everyone!

I pray all of you are safe and well.  All week I pondered what I’d be posting today.  I had one of the most productive weeks I’ve had in a long time!  I heard someone say that where you find a pattern in one area of life, it is very likely you’ll find that same pattern repeating in other areas of your life.  I deeply meditated on this statement and found it to be true.  I am a great planner and organizer.  Everything will get done on time, but sometimes I tend to procrastinate to get there.  I had to ask myself why it is that I do this?  I couldn’t come up with a good answer.  The truth was, that thing I would procrastinate was going to bring conflict or would require hard work.  Simply put, I don’t always welcome the challenge.  I’ll do it, but I have to work myself up to get there.

I decided this behavior had to be confronted and come to an end.  I had procrastinated in my personal devotional time with God for as long as I can remember.  I have been inconsistent all my life.  For no good reason other than putting other things and activities before my time with God.  I’ve changed that pattern.  I now turn off the tv and dive into the word at a set time.

The next thing I was challenged with was completing projects I set forth to do.  I specifically am working on a project at work I knew I would really need to dig deep on.  Opposed to waiting for someone else to do something, I knew God had given me the ability to lead the project to completion and manage the team.  Last week was by far my most constructive week.  I had even gotten a pretty big compliment from the leadership team.

Things were going great!  I’m thinking I’m doing great work and am valuable to the company I joined 3 months ago.  Then it happened.  First thing Friday morning, I received a call.  The company is challenged financially and my role would need to be cut literally at the end of the day.  However, I was told I have done great work on the project and they’d like for me to stay on a part-time basis until the project roll-out and follow up maintenance have been completed over the next 6 weeks. What?!?!?

I cannot say I was totally shocked as I’m new, I’m a temporary employee, there were other long term regular employees impacted and the company’s revenue has been down over last year due to covid-19.  Still though, it was a lot to process coming off of such a great week and high praise from my leadership.

What now Lord?  I had been praying for direction on what to do next for work, I knew I didn’t want to do temp work forever, but I wanted to complete the project I had begun.  The project really started to accelerate the first two weeks of May and it sped up the length of the rollout date. Also, I listened to a sermon earlier in the week that spoke about some ways God speaks to us.  One of those ways is closed doors.  Revelation 3:7 says, “What he opens no one can shut and what he shuts no one can open”.  I must finish the project and accept that God has closed this door.

The next question for me is, do I trust him to meet my needs and open a new door?  Thinking with human reason it’s challenging.  We’re in a pandemic, multiple people are affected, and there aren’t many jobs available.  That’s my human reasoning.  However, we all know faith in God and human reasoning do not mix.  Therefore, I must do as Proverbs 3:5 says which is trust the Lord and lean not on my own understanding.  As I shared last on the last post  in the past when I could not  see the path forward, I would begin to doubt,  becoming double minded.  I believe today and tomorrow I’ not quite sure, the next day I hope again and then the day after that  my feelings have changed yet again.  James 1:6 says very clearly, “When you ask, you must believe and not doubt because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind”.  I don’t want to be this person.

The last 6 months have been quite a journey for me as you all know.  God has delivered me from some huge obstacles.  I actually received a tax refund to pay my bills in February after my 401k money ran out, I started the temp job in February when I really needed income, I put my house on the market mid-February and it sold and closed in 45 days during a pandemic and I was approved for an apartment 4 days prior to my closing date.

I’ve seen God do some pretty big things for me recently and before this.  He has not failed me yet. I have no answers.  I don’t know how, where, when, what or who, but I know God is able, so once again I look to the hills where my help comes from and keep my focus on him to guide me through this trial.  I know he will get glory yet again, but until then please keep me in your prayers.

Stay tuned…

~Felicia